1. |
Intro
02:53
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today I am massive
and full of gelatin
I sweat spermatozoa
like nobody
like nobody
and everything looks beautiful
when you’re beautiful
even your still-born uncle
and your barren sister
traipsing over Christendom
traipsing over Christendom
I’m here to save you
I’m here to save you
with smoke rising to choke the fruit flies
reveal your eggs to me
everything looks beautiful
under sunny mansion skies
even your great-grandfather
I can barely breathe
I’m here to save you
chuckling
smirking
anything
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2. |
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what got sucked in the slipstream?
what got sucked in the slipstream?
first it was the ethereal
shameful, unspeakable desire
smarting echoing sorrow, evil altered voices
a sterilized colostomy bag
what got sucked in the slipstream?
the water hastened
the shape began to mutate
a human garden drained blood through an aqueduct;
that got sucked in the slipstream
what got sucked in the slipstream?
your engagement ring and priceless Ming vase
what got sucked in the slipstream?
a gentle house in a respectable neighbourhood with bones throbbing in asbestos
what got sucked in the slipstream?
you used to squirm like nightingale nerves,
taped to a Himalayan salt lamp
remember that darling?
until I bought that one-way ticket to Thailand
what got sucked in the slipstream?
the body was barely cold when we found it
there was a pool of blood as black as a limousine
driving influencers to a cocktail bar
my ears are still ringing with the sound
and everything is completely OK
everything is completely OK
everything is completely OK
my muscles are growing fast
what got sucked in the slipstream?
two tablets of Dexedrine and a pot of rotting manicotti!
what got sucked in the slipstream?
a born-again surgeon with a cattle gun!
what got sucked in the slipstream?
the pills that stop horses from vomiting kicked in
and I shot you a million times in the brain
I’d never felt so man in my life
and everything is completely OK
everything is completely OK
everything is completely OK
my muscles are growing fast
what got sucked in the slipstream?
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3. |
A Stroke at 35 Years Old
05:02
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well, you couldn’t bother with it!
I want 20 pictures, oh, and I imagine you’re still outside in the light, maybe you could just open it up and see, I think I’ve got a solution, boy, beautiful, thank you, I hope you’re feeling better, I just talked to Kathy and she said that um, you’ve gone to the doctor and gotten some amoxicillin, I guess I’ll just wait til you get home, hopefully, um, you’re totally on the road to recovery by now, uh…
a stroke at 35 years old
was his teenage dream come true
at last that snowdrift innocence
at last that misty youth
a stroke at 35 years old
every bitter, sad deceit
went billowing forever through
the dazzling streetlight scene
make your bed and (Monday) never lie in it
make your bed and (twelve) never lie in it
truth’s whatever gets you out of conflict
make your bed and (Monday) never lie in it
make your bed and (I love you) never lie in it
truth can disappear and leave a perfect slit
I could just laugh at you!
I thought maybe you’d be gone…
I thought maybe you’d be gone…
three, um, hi, dinner, gosh, brother, library, love, machine, Jenny, sociology, I’d like that as soon as possible, sorry, number, creeping, floor, asparagus, bloated, permanent, tornado, thank you, you’re not home, ok, thanks, bye
so, I was wondering if you wanted to, to go out and do something
a stroke at 35 years old
and the slate had been wiped clean
the quickest route to virtue
is to bury who you’ve been
make your bed and (Monday) never lie in it
make your bed and (twelve) never lie in it
truth’s whatever gets you out of conflict
make your bed and (Monday) never lie in it
make your bed and (I love you) never lie in it
truth can disappear and leave a perfect slit
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4. |
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face down in bed, crude,
ragged covers and ragged rouge
last swig of cheap, sad gin
crosses out all you have been
what bird of prey escapes?
what bloody nose and tear-soaked face?
why do I find you in this place?
why doesn’t God fix his mistakes?
I mean a lot to you
I mean a lot to you
and it’s awful clear what’s happened here
when you let the dogs run through
I mean a lot to you
I mean a lot to you
and you swore as much, so fair enough
I won’t wake you up too soon
face down in bed, splayed,
so I let the door creak and shake
that’s barely all it takes
to reveal your bleary grace
and your blurry arms stretch out
your distant gaze and dried-up mouth
skin like Atlantis in a drought
colourless secrets that never sprout
I mean a lot to you
I mean a lot to you
and it’s awful clear what’s happened here
when you let the dogs run through
I mean a lot to you
I mean a lot to you
and you swore as much, so fair enough
I won’t wake you up too soon
stumbling drunk, dressing gown on, through the hall
stumbling drunk, dressing gown on, through the hall
stumbling drunk, dressing gown on, through the hall
face down in bed, strange,
I forgot what I had to say
sweet smell of coming rain
I shut the window and turn away
and in someone else’s town
another house burns to the ground
and with it goes your ancient crown
and all that grows where you are found
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5. |
Jellyfish
04:32
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so it’s no longer reams of paper
strewn across the bedroom floor
so it isn’t nights spent sobbing anymore
it’s not that blurry sense of loss
and not that burning stitch of God
upon the lonely road to where you’ve already gone
there’s fine froth that flows through autumn
like the bubbling of highway lights
rushing off where they belong, so ashamed to be alive
and how I hope your big day arrives
beneath that haunted golden sky
so I’ll be drunk as hell, and you will be bathed in spite
still, I’ll laugh a damn sight harder
than you ever thought I could
at the dreams of the youth, at the names that they carve in wood
for I still feel my own tattered glow
how I strove to love without a stitch of hope
and all the damage I did to you surely proves that I came close
but you’re not pure, and you’re not polished
you are just preoccupied
and I’m a hypocrite to say it, for so am I
the night you swore that our youths were dead
you painted a perfect picture of a world without end
and so I knew that neither of us had ever been
yes, I knew that neither of us had ever been
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6. |
Mirror, Draft 1
03:20
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(instrumental)
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7. |
Stop Struggling
03:08
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stop, stop struggling
stop, stop, stop struggling
all it does is drag you deeper
the ropes are all torn, the ships are wrecked
the flying machines all genuflect
stop, stop struggling
stop, stop, stop struggling
all it does is drag you deeper
deeper into the sepia sea
til all that remains is me
and all that I have left is swelling rosemary sky
and the murmurs floating on down the street
and all I will remember is you thrashing for life
so pathetic it reminds me of me
but you, you’re unique, for you can’t really die
you can only be buried alive
I play the part of corporeal failure
and you play the bright satellite
and laughing so snide at the crests in the sky
you’ll be free, you’ll be honest, you’ll be kind
so, stop, stop struggling
stop, stop, stop struggling
all it does is drag you deeper
I’ve never enjoyed your company so much
I’ve never felt quite so touched
stop, stop struggling
stop, stop, stop struggling
I want to see your muscles glimmer
if I am so empty, I choose control
at least to be whole
know this, my friend, know that all that I have left is swelling rosemary sky
and the murmurs floating on down the street
and all I will remember is you thrashing for life
just like all I ever wanted to be
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8. |
It's a Paper-Thin Night
05:15
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you know how to whistle, don’t you?
just pinch the chest of a poison dart frog
you’re a lover now
you are used to the reek of formaldehyde
it’s the only thing left that is keeping you alive
so, grow, grow, engorge with the fluids
don’t you want to be pale and pure and pristine?
just like Theseus’ ship
like a rip in the aching moonlight
as I swallow your lymph for eternal life
it’s a paper-thin night
it’s a paper-thin night
and these stars are mothballs
so infinitely bright
it’s a paper-thin night
it’s a paper-thin night
and these feathers are flayed
laying deep in your spine
so eternally intertwined
yours and mine
friend, are you worried?
everything is working, everything’s a breeze
you don’t know what is left to feel
you can’t discern the truth if not freezing
begging, don’t touch me
leave me to my own devices, I will right all
my wrongs and close you out for good
I will cocoon beneath the red embers
you’re a lover now
know this means you are also guilty
but you know how to whistle, don’t you?
it’s on the tip of your tongue when you lay there and swell
like a force-fed dove
like a lung shakes hands with a blood clot
like the only thing left that you know you’re not
it’s a paper-thin night
it’s a paper-thin night
and these stars are mothballs
so infinitely bright
it’s a paper-thin night
it’s a paper-thin night
and these feathers are flayed
laying deep in your spine
so unnaturally enshrined
you’re a lover now
know this means you are also guilty
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9. |
Longyearbyen
05:15
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what does it take to uproot a flowerbed?
to give away your childhood?
to live in solitude and still, still, still feel your pulse
in our brief lives I was cruel to you
selfish, vindictive, frenzied
a cigarette burn
curare through the dark in the windy halls
just like a death
just like a death in the dream of summer
underneath the bloodshot moon
and you’re well-prepared, you always have been
to be called on by the autumn
to live in sorrow like you swore that you would do
you would seed the swelling clouds
if it would just bring back the rain
but oh my friend, it can never rain the same
so, what does it take to hold that knife in your hand?
to tell yourself you’re not alive
to see the wolf cub’s eyes and still, still, still believe in trust
well, call me the idiot
for in my time I have dished it out
I have wrapped you in silver, wrapped you in seaweed
left you to hemorrhage with cholera on the street
ripped sleeves, poison oak, fireworks
pale ovaries, follicles, and spleens
and all the helpless, aching loneliness instructing you to cling
or to drown beneath the stretching green
I used to wish there could be a split
between those you kill and those you carry
so I could hem your t-shirt, darn your socks, die with dignity
I could atone for the bitter hermit I had been
and leave a smear upon the sky
one more work of graffiti you would never see
“I hope you’re happy now
I hope you never really loved me”
the last time I ever saw you
all you said was “God, you’ve changed”
I couldn’t be the bigger man
couldn’t be the bigger man, so I walked away
please tell your family the walls are only settling
when the house begins to shake
such envy, so afraid of loss
so deathly afraid of shame
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10. |
The Wanderer
06:21
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wanderer, if there’s nothing left but death
can you leave with zero regrets?
are your crushing past and your plaster casts
just checks St. Peter will cash?
is it really simple as that?
cause wanderer, I think my hour has come
I can feel it shine in your sun
just your bloody mind and your muddled spine
remain to lead me through time
to a God you built by firelight
and I sleep, a shivering satellite
awake in a river’s towering reeds
a colicky hereafter on a stork lost at sea
I can almost trace that sharp silhouette
with eyes focussed, with eyes focussed
and so, I build a ladder from the bloodlines of youth
as it slowly flows away from me and into you
and I carve my aching jawbones into hardened blades
I don’t know the way, I don’t know the way
and I hack on through the present tense to meet you there
in a history swallowed by an infinite tear
so I can give away the love I could have sworn I knew
cause all awaits you; all awaits you; all awaits you
and aren’t you glad to be so beautiful?
just like all you’ve ever known?
aren’t you glad that you don’t want to die alone?
aren’t you glad to be so beautiful?
just like all you’ve ever known?
aren’t you glad that you don’t want to die alone?
aren’t you glad to be so beautiful?
just like all I’ve ever known?
aren’t you glad you have the chance to live in hope?
and wanderer, you alone will know the signs
that the water’s flowing too high
and since nothing’s ever lost, only half-forgot
you will build a gleaming white boat
from the truth we’ll never quite know
the detritus we used to hold
and you’ll guide us upward toward home
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Celogen Calgary, Alberta
I have seen everything and known everyone and I am still not tired!
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