1. |
Emergency Exit
03:49
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you think you’ve found your own escape route
(every young apology, every young apology)
that those empty evenings set you free
(every word you’ll never read, every word you’ll never read)
well I am just bursting with excitement
(every young apology, every young apology)
for you to see what I know you’ll see
(last you ever saw of me, last you ever saw of me
asked you to remember, just trying to jog your memory)
emergency exit
loops around on itself
emergency exit
if you could face the mess you made, then
I could play the shrieking maiden
table tapdance, swearing I’ve seen a ghost
if you could bear the soul that saw you
before this form took hold,
recalls who you were when it mattered much more
(you once mattered much more)
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2. |
Siren! Tell Me
03:52
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siren, tell me what you need this time
and of course I’ll make it true
I’m a lot like you,
I get dragged right through
siren, when our pasts are hounding me
and of course the locks are changed
I throw them your name
it puts them back at bay
and if it seems like I am panicked, I am handpicked
well I’m still learning to right your wrongs
for now I just tiptoe over the damage done
I’ll waste your time next time I need someone,
I’ll waste your time next time I need someone
siren, if there’s someone calling you
then I’m glad you’ve made new friends
you’re a lot like them,
leaving home at ten
and if I could point out our differences,
yeah, if I may be so bold,
you think you’re in control
you think I don’t deserve more
you think it’s you or alone
and if it seems like I am panicked, I am handpicked
I’m a caricature of one who can be loved
I just hold the same doe-eyed smile til your anger’s done
I’ll waste your time next time I need someone,
I’ll waste your time next time I need someone
siren, tell me what I’ve done this time
I swear I’ll make it up to you
I know you’ll pull me through,
I am a lot like you
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3. |
(Yes) September Blanket
03:47
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it was good to be so nervous, so naive
so unprepared, so unaware
too close to take in the daydreams you had lost
you were free from that smothered world, but what did it cost?
under fuzzy ring road skies
letting leaves blow through your body
like so much sugar glass and ash
september blanket holds, the glimpse of the tiredest star
september blanket holds, the glimpse you were sure you’d caught
you swore that the future’d found you, but you were still so very small
it was good to be awash in golden sun
setting over places that had held you once
and as the heat washed out the departing silhouettes
you took whatever you could get from their old homes
little lamplights every bit as warm as you would know
in the damp and bleary morning
like a baby waking up
across the valley to real life
the trouble with transcendence is passing through time and space
the trouble with being above it is they can’t make out your face
and when all the woodsmoke clears, there’s still so much you haven’t replaced
(no
still not whole
built by ghosts
for ghosts)
september blanket holds, a promise you thought you‘d made
september blanket holds, a sovereign for just one day
you swore you would have it all, yeah, but that was one hell of a sudden change
it was good to be so nervous, so naive
it was good to be so nervous, so naive
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4. |
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all through the summer she grew mile after mile
all through the summer she grew mile after mile
then once the days got shorter she woke up
and walked to school with a smile
pictures where you stood on a pedestal and grinned
fall in the flood to salt the earth and birth the wind
when everything you love is just in reach
you’ll never come back again
so cozy up and start a new decade
inside your concrete home
it’ll take at least ten years
to know if you’re alone
all through the summer she grew mile after mile
she watched the rivers grip our necks with her trademark lack of guile
her head it brimmed so full of plans
to skip along to safety with a smile
pictures where you stood on a pedestal and dreamt
I can’t provide the detail, I just know what it meant
with no way to prove
that it was ever more than mythology ever again
with no way to summon back
the idiots we both had been way back when
so cozy up and start a new decade
inside your concrete home
it’ll take at least ten years
to know if you’re alone
and you could try to start anew
a town with reason to love you
but you’re the same
you won’t see any change
and you could try to start anew
a town that by default loves you
but you’re the same
you’ll only give them their own claim
so close them out and start a new decade
with those who you still own
it’ll take at least ten years
to notice you’re alone
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5. |
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the wind-up and collapse
the fading story of the war you fought
above the beds of kind young lovers your web had caught
the glimmering streets they walked
where they buried their pearls of dew
to seed the last place you'd ever see them full in bloom
and you can still pretend
their love won't be enough for them in the end
they'll need you someday, though they disappeared so soon
the wind-up and collapse
out through the ceiling to the dark backyards
where you would lay each night, a vandal with glowing eyes
and I know I never asked you to remember
but I hope you'd think of me
to blink and to miss things you people won't believe
and it's been so long
since you were pressed up to the wall
waiting just to catch one fleeting laugh
and you can still pretend
the big joke you pulled was lost on them
it was dumb. the moment's passed. they don't know what they missed.
(the passenger stare as I pressed through
you tried to reach out but I left you
oh, the night your anchor rose
the passenger stare that you fell through
the shivering things I could tell you
oh, the night your anchor rose
the passenger stare as I passed through
the sleeping sleet tumbling past you
oh, the night your anger rose
the futures that you had seen through
and starless you saw they'd come true
streetlight snow, at last you just let go)
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6. |
Refractory Lens
02:23
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(I was purple
I couldn't find a place that was comfy
kept moving but my body wouldn't couldn't cooperate properly
I no longer had my own physical form
I was a part of the universe
and every time I moved
the universe would move my body as well
turning my arms into staircases
and my legs would disappear and turn into objects
and I was just so tired
all I wanted to do was sleep
I just couldn't get comfy no matter what
couldn't get comfy in space cause I kept turning into staircases
I was there for so long
simultaneously ten seconds
simultaneously a millenium
something as ancient
yet probably
something as new
as a baby)
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7. |
Lilypad, Lilypad
05:00
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lilypad, bowlegged since you were young
with a tear where all your memories come undone
lilypad, one night I saw you pause
your voice broke mid sentence,
your weird little hands reached your eyes
I, I had forgotten what that was like
to believe, believe outside yourself
it is hard to say something honest
it is hard to say something honest
lilypad, the place where you were raised
I will bury these diaries
when the city repaves the street
I won’t let them belong to you or to me
and when you ask, no, never anyone
how the rain splashes up to your ankles
when god gives you the strength to run
to believe, believe outside yourself
it is hard to say something honest
it is hard to say something honest
how I long to say something honest
lilypad, so tired so very long
stepping out into the backyard
where the world goes on and on
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8. |
Angelic Life 2
05:34
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the longest wait
you ever had to make was for that day
the torches you had raised through eternity
how you shivered, swearing, snowblind in your car
short goodbyes, prayers for acetone and stars
a map to where you think you are
the open mouth
your little spirit on a messy couch
well you told me how it tasted like the finer things
and you spat out all the hairs in your bordeaux
as I tried to picture the only love you'd ever known
delving deeper deeper til you were all alone
so dress up nice
it's your wedding day, the betrothed is in on ice
your lonely lifetime, not so cute on the inside
it can't feel like it did when we were young
when you were falling in and I split through the sun
the voices saying "drop the gun"
and now it doesn't matter where you go
they will be there, sucking up the train car smoke
it is the softest thing you've ever known
a tale told by a genius, full of silence, full of calm
you were always so assured you had a choice when they all called
no, you knew you never had a choice at all
and the wisp of smoke you'd been when your world would glisten
and the days you'd seen that no one could ever touch
no, no one could ever quite be enough
and you know, you'd be much more precious with a condition
yeah, the kind where you collapse and you can't stand up
so the care and the carry will feel just like love
(oftentimes, I take from the river,
or sit still and watch the water move the wheel;
only all of these aloe vera plants keep falling from the banks.
it's not just good for relieving sunburn;
it also lowers my blood sugar.
it’s a safe alternative to mouthwash, because of the natural vitamin C.
it kills harmful bacteria,
soothes my burning heart and my digestive disorder.
I take 1-3 oz at mealtime;
my skin has never been clearer.
you don’t need to talk to a doctor.
as for me and my car, we shall serve the Lord.)
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9. |
I Saw Three Cities
04:37
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sing me to sleep of all the lives you lived
all the visions passed through your gaze
when you were so sick on the streetline ablaze
sing me to sleep of what you used to see
and what will never be whole again
when you rose up to the kingdom for a day
tumbling softly through all of time and space
trust so fervently
trust so nervously
please try to trust in me
sing me to sleep of all the worlds you built
that no one could see but you
how they call you back to a place you once knew
a favourite colour that would swallow you
when your illness made you start to float
reaching up to where the lightning grows
reaching where it could speak with you alone
trust so fervently
trust so nervously
please try to trust in me
sing me to sleep of what it’s like to leave
to be wrapped in bandage and tape
this is the last fuss I will ever make
(I will be silent past today)
this is the last fuss I will ever make
oh, my long-lost friend
if you get sick again
oh, how I call your name
from deep in the place that knows you might not hear it someday
oh, but at night you stay
no, you are not afraid
oh, so I hold you close
and up towards your sleeping face, I whisper “don’t let go”
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10. |
Puppydog Smile
04:28
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leaving, through the mirror in the basement
clutching all the white noise you couldn't save
you shed a flood of tears
you carried out your bidding
it's all you've ever hidden
forgiven, forgotten, just yesterday
leaving, the one forever chasing butterflies
to swallow their wings in an innocent green
she was a priest when she was small
but she found the god she wanted
just someone who kept talking
loud enough to drown out the past
high above the rivers
that flow out and away from you
the people you've hurt and the people you've carried
they haven't stopped trying to get through
they're still trying their hardest to reach you
leaving, you breathe upon her fragile face so carefully
the one thing you can do to keep her warm
"when you slipped away to let me sleep,
I had the most amazing dream
I knew I'd be waiting here forever
but you, you were right there with me
and god was who you thought I used to be"
high above the rivers
tracing paths back to the love you never knew
the people who left little permanent traces
they haven't stopped trying to get through
"who ever said we know where we're all headed to?"
over all the burning reels of film
projected on the houses that stand so still
over all the burning reels of film
and all the sleeping secrets that lie there still
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11. |
The Tall Place
03:12
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bounding through the doors into the tall place
did you know right then
that weird little day had met its end?
bounding through the doors into the tall place
just to know right then
they couldn't open up again
windswept hair and misty eyes like the day it all began
oh it's still so strange
I keep this and give the rest away
and though I thought I owed you something, an apology at least
well you dropped all blame
you were finally free from pain
moonlit crocus sprouts around the tall place
and tonight you'll dream
of a room you'll swear you've seen
and by morning you will rise and you will act like nothing happened
but it is just that
I know, it is just an act
(oh, to drain this pure little road
of promise held so long ago
oh, I love you so)
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Celogen Calgary, Alberta
I have seen everything and known everyone and I am still not tired!
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